Happy Thanksgiving Dicks

Even outside of sports, Skip is wrong about everything...

This is 100% wrong. Stuff your fat faces with as much food as possible today. And still have leftovers three times throughout the day. Oh, and football. Hopefully this guy calls the games today.

Closerace, Indeed

So far this week, it's really only been your standard jibber jabber/pointless ruminations on things that everyone already knows. Notice how he only brings up things in which in was mildly right though. "Mildy right" means "fucking amazing" in Bayless terms.

On another note, I'm pissed that I didn't get any bets in over the weekend, looks like it could have been a good one. Stupid Penn State in town and people crashing in my apartment made it hard to get anything done, other than black out.

Day Off

Oops...slept in too late to make any picks or do anything at all actually. NFL picks tomorrow.

Beautiful, Horrible Skip Bayless

By picking games that are exactly on par with the Vegas odds, like he did today and has been doing often recently, he's really testing the system. But I'm still winning. That's how horrible this dude is at calling games.

If I was betting by my gut instincts I would have went Chicago +2 and the over, because picking a winner plus points and the under is always tricky. Lots of different things have to happen. Plus I hate betting the under, it means you're asking for a boring game.* But that's why the system is amazing. He rarely lets me down.

* I don't care what "purist" football fans say. I love football as much as anyone, but great defense (other than massive, bone-crushing hits) is not fun to watch. i want to see touchdown after touchdown and cheerleaders showing their boobies.

That also puts Skip at 8-25 on games I've bet against him on. MIND BOTTLING.

tHANKS AGAIN mR. bAYLESS, YOU DOUCHE. Boom, drunk.

Skip Is Getting Sneaky

I'll take it as a compliment that this douche is making it harder and harder to make picks these days. His pick for tonight...

Skip is obviously looking at lines now before making picks, because let's face it, he is not nearly as smart as the oddsmakers. Earlier today, the line was Miami -1 and O/U 41, making both picks a push and therefore ruining my system. NICE TRY SKIP BUT YOU WILL NOT BEAT ME. Luckily, I waited just long enough for the spreads to move the tiniest bit. (I really hope he doesn't know they continuously change.) Ten minutes before game time, the points are now Miami -2 and the O/U went down to 40 1/2.

I personally think it'll be a Chicago rout but this isn't about what I think. A $20 parlay on Chicago +2 and U 40 1/2 pays out $54.55.

NBA Players Are Not Angels

Who would have ever thought??

Skip has been too busy standing on his soap box talking about the private lives of NBA players to make any picks this week. Fingers crossed for tonight or tomorrow.

Perfect

It really is amazing how bad this guy is at life. His two awful NFL picks gave me two more wins today and rounded out a pretty good weekend of bets. 5-1 overall for me. Skip's record is now at a mind boggling 8-24. And that's just the ones I've tracked.  Thanks Skip.

11/15 NFL picks

Not much to go from except for these two games...

I hate that first game and it's a Pickem game, so I'll go with the over on 43. $25 pays out $21.74.

Patriots + 4 1/2 pays out $22.73.

Nothing else, enjoy your Sunday.

NCAA picks: Me: 3-1, Skip: Still Douchey

This weekend is an example of why gambling is so retarded. Amazing and fun and addicting, but retarded. Skip was actually right about the PSU-OSU game, and was only off by 10 points. Which for him is pretty much unheard of. But I still won my bet because I used his scores to do the O/U instead of a winner.

The point is that there are several ways to use the stupidity of Skip Bayless to your advantage. He will, VERY RARELY, call a game correctly. In those instances when you get that gut feeling that he just might luck out, go with the O/U and not a winning team. My scientific calculations predict your success rate at 216%. He will never get both of these right. Unless he does, but that has happened maybe once this year*.

As creepy, eagle-eyed commenter ajseagles pointed out, I went with Clemson yesterday by mistake. True. Skip picked Florida St. by one and the spread was six. My bad. To stay true to the system I should have went with the Moneyline. But I won anyway so Skip and ajseagles can eat it. As long as you get it in your mind to go against what Skip Bayless says, good things happen. Run tell dat homeboy.

Yes, he technically got one other game right. He picked Alabama at 13-10. The final score was 30-10. I could give a piece of paper to a dead monkey and he would get closer than this once in a while. (I would never kill my monkey). Also, there is nothing good about anything regarding Mississippi, except that it is fun to say.

212 yards is good sometimes.

Now for a little bragging. I believe my prediction was "South Carolina +7 over Florida. Marcus Lattimore is gonna run  all over them. $25 pays out $21.74." As you can see from the graphic to the right, I AM GOD AND YOU SHOULD ALL BOW DOWN TO ME.

Overall I went 3-1 and won over $40 on a day when Skip picked absolutely no upsets. That's how well the system works. And that's how drunk I still am this morning.

NFL picks coming soon.

 * The Reverse Bayless Gambling System Research staff is currently in the process of finding the answer to this¹.

¹ There is no Reverse Bayless Gambling System Research staff.

First and Ten Is Amazingly Bad Television

First off, I hate myself for waking up early on a Saturday morning to watch Skip debate another idiot on channel eleven thousand on cable. But I am committed to pointing out his idiocy to the world. Seriously Robert Smith, could you be any more boring? Holy shit it's too early and I'm too hungover and you're making me sleepy. An example of the razor sharp banter thrown about between these two jackasses:

Skip Bayless: I don't know if Christian Ponder plays when he plays.
Robert Smith: Well said. Well said.

What. the. fuck. Not one thing about that sentence is well said, and this interaction occurred in total seriousness. Shoot me.

As if this amazingly stupid "debate" show could get any worse, Skip and Robert AGREED ON EVERY GAME. Great concept you have going there fellas. Keep up the good work ESPNU.

However, there were many predictions made, which almost makes it worth it. Almost. On to Skip's picks...

An image search for "first and ten" brings
up Christina Aguilera's preggo boobs.
So there you go.

Oregon 44 - Cal 24

Auburn 33 - Georgia 30

Florida 38 - South Carolina 17

Oklahoma St. 35 - Texas 32

Alabama 13 - Mississippi St. 10

Virginia Tech 30 - North Carolina 27

Florida St. 24 - Clemson 23

Ohio St. 28 - Penn St. 14

As you can see, no upset picks, which means today should be upsets out the a-hole.

The games I'm going with are ....
Clemson +6 over Florida St. $25 pays out $21.74.
Mississippi State + 13 1/2 over Alabama. $25 pays out $23.81.
South Carolina +7 over Florida. Marcus Lattimore is gonna run  all over them. $25 pays out $21.74.
And just because I'm a homer, I'll go with the over in the PSU-OSU game. O/U is 49 and $25 pays out $22.73.

Happy gambling and fuck Skip Bayless.

Big Fat Loser

With the Falcons win Thursday night, Skip is on quite the NFL losing streak. At least four, and probably more but my short term memory is officially shot.

It's also cute to see Skip venturing into other sports that he has no clue about.

Final score....

Obviously. Amazing how he can pick any topic and be wrong about it. Keep it up, big guy.

Great Sense of Humor on This Guy (Sike)

Get over yourself you pretentious douche bubble. We're talking about sports, it's supposed to be fun. The Ryan family is awesome and Buddy would punch you in your stupid face if he had any idea how to use a computer. Don't pretend what you do for a living is noble. 

Now onto the good stuff...let's see if Skip can continue his streak of NFL losses.

So the system obviously works, but the spread has been killing me. It's been mind-numbingly close in my last few bets, between one and three points. Luckily there's no spread on this game. $25 pays out $21.74.

Also, yay Thursday football.

Another Weekend, Another Winless NFL Day for Skip

Predictably, Skip went 0-2 in his NFL picks over the weekend. Everything is right in the world again.

Except I lost both bets by 1 point because of the spread. God damn it oddsmakers.

Skip's Best College Weekend Ever is Still a Steamy Pile of Shit

So I came out down for only the second weekend this season, but it's not because Skip was anywhere near close to picking any of these games. Dumb shit just happens sometimes, like Skip getting a job on TV. Let's take at look at his blowout prediction...he picked Nebraska to beat Iowa St. 45-7. Actual final score...

So technically, yes, he picked the winner of the game, but you would have won had you picked Iowa St. and the points. Fuck Skip.

Then he goes ahead and picks two close games, Oklahoma St. 43-Baylor 40 and TCU 27-Utah 24. Actual scores...

Again, he technically picked both of these teams but he was nowhere near being right. Basically he has no fucking clue what he's talking about.

Even when he's right about a close game like he was when picking Illinois over Michigan by 1, he picked the wrong team and was OFF BY 60+ POINTS. What a professional loser.

He also picked South Carolina over Arkansas and they lost by over 3 touchdowns. Vintage Skip right there. Plus he picked LSU in the upset, and now that I think about it, he picks LSU every week. So they're out of the system.

All in all Mr. Dickbag got very lucky in that he picked the winner in most of the games, but there were plenty of ways to make money by using the system. With the spreads and especially the O/Us, which he was way off on, it could have been a lucrative weekend. I just had bad luck and picked the wrong games.Luck of the Irish my ass.

With this in mind, I still won one game convincingly (Arkansas), lost one (LSU) and lost Michigan by one point. These oddsmakers of freaks of nature. NFL recap to come tomorrow.

Ewww

It's not looking good for the system today...Skip still hasn't been that right on about anything but my bets are not looking good.

College Picks

I want to shoot myself for waking up earlier than normal on Saturday morning just so I can see who Skip picks in the college games, but I will do what it takes to prove his douchiness. But I hit a gold mine, he made six picks in all.  Not going to do them all plus I'm on my way out the door, but here are his picks. Do it.

Illinios 31 - Michigan 30

Nebraska 45 Iowa St. 7

TCU 27 - Utah 24

Okie St. 43 - Baylor 40

He also picked LSU and South Carolina to win their games. I already picked Bama earlier in the week.

Out of those games Michigan looks like an easy winner. $25 on Michigan -3 pays out $21.74.
And I like Arkansas +4 1/2 against S. Carolina. $25 pays out $22.73.


That's all for now but I suggest you all look at those scores and bet against them. It works.

Balls to the Wall

So Skip made a bunch of as-vague-as-you-can-get predictions today, not actually picking anyone outright but just giving his thoughts. Well his awful thoughts and passive aggressive opinions are good enough for me. I'm going for it.

First off...my Birds. Now I am a really big gambler. Like I play with an amount that would make most people sick. And ruin lives if I were married and sharing a bank account. But I never, EVER, bet on my own team. Just seems like bad karma. However...

I've also had five Tanqueray and tonics this afternoon but that's neither here nor there.

WAIT...the Eagles are favored by 3. That makes no fucking sense at all. I love them more than I love babies (not hard) but I don't see why that would be. Regardless, in honor of the system I will go against all of my rules (never betting on my team is my only rule), I'm going to go all out.

$50 on Eagles -3 pays out $52.50. tHIS IS THE LEAST HAPPY i'VE (accidental caps lock but I'll keep it to show the shape I'm in right now) ever been on a bet, but I want to prove my system. Plus, I'll be at the game. One more reason to scream my brains out at that douche Peyton.

Speaking of...who has a boy and is like "Let's name him Peyton, and spell it the girl way"?  I'M ALSO LOOKING AT YOU AUBREY HUFF. But enough with the dudes with girl names.

I'm rooting for the Lions this year too. They deserve it. But seriously, fuck Skip Bayless. $50 on the Jets -4 pays out $47.62.

OK, in hindsight, "a bunch" does not constitute two predictions, but I felt like it was more earlier on today. Hopefully he'll make some college picks tomorrow. Have a nice night people.

Finally a Prediction

Skip's prediction tweets are few and far between these days...he teases them on there so you have to watch TV to get them. I spend enough time on this douche that I'd rather not watch him on TV but I will if I have to. I WILL PROVE MY POINT NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU MAKE IT. I also still think he's on to me.

On to his lone prediction.

This just screams of an Alabama rout. Bodog actually has Bama at -6. $50 pays out $45.45. Go Tide Go.